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NFL Sunday (Dec 2002) One of the greatest inventions of all time, along with email, PEZ and Salma Hayek, is DirecTV's NFL Sunday Ticket. Sunday Ticket gives the football fan the ability to watch as many as eleven NFL games at one time from his or her own couch, something most of us could only dream about ten years ago. This past Sunday I took advantage of the fact that the Patriots were not playing to get a more detailed look at all 12 afternoon games. Here is my log.  1:00 EST Time to review my football pool picks for the 1:00 games. I'm
coming off a solid 12-4 week after wallowing around .500 for most of the year. I'm eight games out of
first place in my football pool, so I need some wins this week. The pool leader is a Jets fan so if he is
anything like his team, a collapse is imminent. Here are the matchups:
1:06 EST - The games are underway. First stop - Channel 704, Arizona at
Kansas City. Kansas City has an uninspiring opening drive and has to punt. Arizona's punt return man is
named Arnold Jackson. This gives me a chuckle ... "What you talkin' about, Willis?"1:07 - Channel 705, Atlanta at Minnesota. Randy Moss, Michael Vick. This
could be a fun game. Minnesota is already inside the Atlanta ten yard line. Culpepper throws to Moss and
Randy drops it. Chuckle number two and we're only seven minutes into the day's action. Minnesota ends up
with 4th and inches near the goal line. There is a timeout and I have no intention of watching a commercial
today if I can help it.1:11 - Channel 706, Carolina at Cleveland. The Browns are wearing the
Halloween orange jerseys again. I can't imagine that they can take themselves seriously in those shirts.
As for Carolina, their players have spent more time in the police blotter than the endzone during the past
two months. I figure that they are one felony away from having to change their nickname to the Cowboys.
1:12 - Back to Atlanta/Minnesota. Culpepper scores on a QB sneak.
7-0 Vikings.1:14 - Back to Carolina/Cleveland. The umpire tumbles over the pile during
a running play. Announcer Curt Menefee tells us that the umpire's name is Jim Duke. Poor Jim. This is probably the
first time his name has ever been mentioned in an NFL broadcast and it happens because he stumbles over a pile of
players and falls on his backside. Again I laugh. Three chuckles in 14 minutes. Usually, I'd have to watch the
WNBA to get this many laughs in such a short period of time.1:15 - I check in with the Bears and Packers on Channel 707. I just miss seeing
the Bears first touchdown - a fake field goal, no less. Damn, I really need to buy seven more TV's. I picked the
Packers -9 1/2 so I quickly calculate that I am down by 16 1/2 points in this game in terms of the spread. The
Patriots overcame a deficit like that in about ten minutes against Da Bears so I'm still confident.1:16 - Channel 708, Ravens at Bengals. Click.1:16 and 3 seconds - Channel 709, Dolphins at Bills. Unless I find out that
Jill Arrington is doing sideline reporting at a different game this will be the matchup that I will watch most
closely. Right now, they are in a commericial break.1:17 - Channel 710, Pittsburgh at Jacksonville. Pittsburgh is up 3-0. The
Steeler offense is currently 6th in the NFL and their defense is ranked 20th. Seems to me that those
stats have been reversed for the last 25 or so years.1:20 - Channel 711, Tennessee at the Giants. Giant fans were
convinced that they would pick up a game in the NFC East standings after last week's game with the Texans
and Philly's Monday Night game at San Francisco. In the end, they actaully lost a game in the standings.
In this week's game, the Giants are up 3-0.
Tennessee punts into the wind and the Giants have a great return, but there is a penalty called on New
York for a block in the back. Is there ever a punt return without a penalty anymore?1:25 - Arizona/KC. Jake Plummer misses a receiver that was wide open for a
touchdown. Same old Cardinals. I still can't believe that Arizona has a team and LA does not.1:27 - Atlanta returns a punt after stopping the Vikings. A flag on the
play. What a shock. Ed "I'm here to pump (clap) you up" Hochuli is officiating the game. Looks like he
found a shirt that fits him this week. I wonder if he is bulking up to get his own reality show. I laugh
as I recall John Goodman's "Referee Pittman" on Saturday Night Live.1:30 - Fred Taylor rumbles 19 yards to give the Jags a 7-6 lead over
Pittsburgh. I don't think I have ever seen Fred Taylor run 19 yards without getting injured.1:35 - Atlanta/Minnesota. Shawn Jefferson drops Vick's pass. Boy, that
brings back memories.1:39 - The referee calls a ludicrous interference call on Buffalo
in the endzone after the Miami receiver slips on the icy turf. Miami scores a touchdown on the next play.
Terrible officiating.1:50 - Buffalo's drive stalls and they are forced to punt. Penalty on the
return. Who could have predicted that?1:57 - Tennessee/Giants. Derrick Mason has just caught a TD pass from
McNair giving the Titans a 7-3 lead. I just missed a TD for the second time today. Gotta be quicker with
that remote I guess.2:00 - Baltimore/Cincinnati. I decide to check in on the Birds and Bungles
for the hell of it. Jon Kitna has completed all ten of his passes so far. I can't imagine the Vegas odds on
that scenario. The Ravens had arguably the best defense in NFL history two years ago. Now they can't even
stop Jon Kitna. The Raven offense, as usual, is horrid. 7 yards and Neverscore, Quoth the Raven.2:06 - Arizona/KC. Trent Green dumps the ball off to Priest Holmes as he
runs - by himself - for 41 yards. Where are the Cardinals?!? Tony Richardson bangs it in on the next play.
21-0, KC. What is up with Morten Andersen's helmet? It looks like the plastic replica helmet that Dad bought
me for Christmas when I was seven. I hope Morten never has to tackle anyone wearing that flimsy thing.2:15 - Bledsoe scores on a QB sneak (this is not a typo). The
play clock had clearly hit "00" prior to the snap but the refs missed it. Miami got a free touchdown on the
bogus interference call earlier in the game so I guess the teams are square now. Miami is still up 14-10.2:20 - Tennessee/Giants. Samari "Esther" Rolle is called for interference
in the endzone. The Giants get first and goal at the one and cash in. New York now leads 10-7.2:23 - A bizarre finish to the half in Green Bay. Chicago intercepts Favre
on the final play of the half, but fumbles the ball on the runback. One of Green Bay's
"fat guys" recovers the fumble but stupidly tries to lateral to a teammate with about nine Bears nearby.
The ball bounces away and Chicago picks it up. It appears that the Bear who recovers the faulty lateral
will score a touchdown, but he runs about as fast as Rich Gedman so a Packer is able to drag him down inside
the 20 yard line. The half ends.2:30 - Vick tosses a spectacular 39-yard strike to Finneran for a
touchdown. Vick seems to be improving as a passer by the minute. Atlanta 14 Minnesota 14 at the half.2:33 - Miami/Buffalo. Chidi Ahanotou picks up a Ray Lucas fumble and rumbles
down to the Miami 31 with 38 seconds left in the half. Phil Simms announces that Buffalo has "one, maybe two
shots to get a touchdown." There are 38 seconds left! What a moron.2:35 - Bledsoe finds Peerless for a touchdown. 17-14 Bills at the half.
Yessssss.2:38 - Time for a turkey sandwich. This will make four days in a row.
I don't think I can handle a fifth.2:58 - Chicago coach Dick Jauron uses a replay challenge to question a possible
Bears touchdown. He loses the challenge. On the same play, Green Bay was called for interference in the endzone
so the Bears would have 1st and goal at the one-yard line anyway. The announcers are puzzled (as am I) by
Jauron's use of a replay challenge and timeout in this situation. One play later we find out why as the Bears
fumble the ball back to the Packers. The Bears season just keeps getting longer.3:06 - Terry Glenn makes a spectacular catch on an overthrown Favre
pass then leaves the field with an injury. This sequence is a microcosm of Terry Glenn's entire career.3:09 - Glenn returns to the field. Surprising. I was sure that he would
be out for a month.3:22 - The Giants Jeremy Shockey is hot-dogging after a 7 yard reception.
I wonder if arrogance training is part of the core requirement for graduation at the University of Miami. Not
that Miami players ever graduate.3:31 - The Bills-Dolphins game has opened up. Bledsoe hits Price for a
TD pass to give the Bills a 24-21 lead. Miami gets the ball back and Ricky Williams continues to roll over
the Buffalo defense. He's a 203 and counting. Once again, I get angry that New Orleans gave away a 1,500
yard rusher, for next to nothing, to a team in the Patriots' division.3:35 - Atlanta/Minnesota. I wonder when Michael Vick became "Mike" Vick.
Isn't it usually the other way around? A guy who goes by "Mike" in college becomes "Michael" when he lands a
professional job. Mike/Michael dazzles the viewers again with his spectacular running ability. He now
has 117 yards rushing on 7 carries, including runs of 40, 19, 13 and 28. Unreal.3:39 - I check in again with the Browns and Panthers. A back named
Dee Brown has rushed for 123 yards for Carolina. I wonder if this Dee Brown will win a slam dunk contest then
fall off the face of the earth.3:40 - The 1pm games are heading into the home stretch. Jeff Blake
hits Todd Heap for a touchdown giving the Ravens a 27-23 lead over the Bengals late in the game.
Meanwhile, Mark Brunell hits Jimmy Smith for a TD cutting the Pittsburgh lead to 25-23. Brunell
throws into 11-tuple coverage on the two point conversion and Smith can't come up with it. The onside
kick fails and Pittsburgh escapes. I have Jacksonville +2.5 so I'm a happy guy. I think I have lost
about a dozen games in my pool this year by a half point so I deserve this one.3:54 - The Panthers have taken care of the 6-5 Browns by a score of 13-6.
Cleveland, the most destructive team in the league, may have just put an end to their playoff hopes.
Time to burn the Halloween jerseys.
4:01 - The Bungles are furiously attempting a comeback in the final
minute. They finally fail on a 4th down play and the Ravens emerge victorious, 27-23. I have Baltimore
-3 so again I'm a lucky winner. The Ravens become the worst 6-6 team in NFL history.4:06 - The snow is really coming down in Buffalo. The Bills are up
17 with six minutes left so it looks like the Pats will hold a share of first place in the AFC East when
this week ends. It will be interesting to see what Drew can do in Foxboro next week. My worry, however,
will be Travis Henry.4:08 - Jim Fassel's ludicrous prevent defense is allowing Steve
McNair and Tennessee to make a last minute comeback attempt. McNair escapes all eleven Giants
defenders and gets out of bounds inside the Giants 20. On the next play, McNair hits Bennett
inside the ten yard line with 0:14 left on the clock.4:10 - McNair hits Wycheck with an apparent touchdown that would cut the
New York lead to 29-27 with the two point conversion pending. However, the ball seems to have hit the
ground under Wycheck's hands so there will be an officials replay. After about four minutes the officials
rule that there is no indisputable evidence to overturn the call. Giant fans are not happy. Thank god there
are no ice balls handy.4:16 - Steve McNair QB sneaks the two point conversion into the
endzone virtually untouched to tie the score at 29 and send the game into overtime. What a collapse
by New York.4:22 - The Vikings are down by three and driving late in the
game. Culpepper hits Moss for a six-yard completion to the Atlanta five yard line. The Vikings are under
one minute and racing around as the clock continues to move. Moss begins flexing his muscles, showing
off for the crowd and trash-talking while the clock ticks away, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that
his team is running out of time late in the game. I wonder to myself when Moss will wind up back in the
county blues. If he wasn't in the NFL, I imagine that he'd already be there.
4:23 - Tice goes to his bag of tricks and has Moss take the handoff and
throw to Culpepper for an apparent go-ahead touchdown. Unfortunately for the Vikes, the TD is nullified
by an illegal motion call on the offense. The Vikings settle for a game-tying field goal and we head to
overtime, 24-24.4:31 - In overtime, Tennessee is cutting through the Giants defense
like a hot knife through butter. What happened to Jason Sehorn? Over the past two years, his stock has
dropped faster than WorldCom. Tennessee converts a 38-yard field goal and completes the comeback
victory, 32-29. The Giants Stadium crowd, needless to say, is booing the home team relentlessly. I would
love to listen to WFAN tomorrow to hear what the malcontents have to say about Fassel's butchering of that
game.4:39 - Atlanta, having made a nice defensive stand, starts
their drive inside Minnesota territory. Michael Vick ends the game with a mind-boggling 46-yard run
up the middle of the field. Having seen similar plays more often than I care to remember while watching
Virginia Tech punish BC, I am not as shocked as the announcers appear to be. Still, one can only marvel at the
young man's athletic gifts. Final score, Atlanta 30, Minnesota 24. What a way to end the 1:00 games.4:45 - Time to review my picks for the four late games. I pulled out
a solid 6-2 mark in the early contests. I squeaked by with the Packers, Ravens, Jags and Falcons, but was hosed
by Jim Fassel's prevent defense.
4:50 - Channel 714, Denver at San Diego. This is definitely
the marquee matchup among the late games. LaDainian Tomlinson runs for 76 yards to move the ball
inside the Denver five yard line. He then punches it in to cut Denver's lead to 10-7. This
promises to be a good one.5:06 - Dan Dierdorf provides comic relief as he tries to add 111 to
1,098 (updating Tomlinson's rushing yardage) on his telestrator. I can almost sense his brain about to
explode.5:40 - Channel 713, St. Louis at Philly. The Rams cut the Eagles
lead to 10-3 with a Wilkins field goal. Curt Warner simply doesn't look right. He's on the verge of
being 0-8 since Bill Belichick put the hex on him last January in New Orleans.5:48 - Channel 715, Houston at Indianapolis. The Colts lead the
game 13-0. Houston cannot generate any offense whatsoever. They must have studied the Notre
Dame films this week.5:51 - Indianapolis fumbles and the players fight for the ball near
the bottom of the pile and begin to push and shove each other. It's starting to look a lot
like a Willie McGinest charity event.6:01 - For the first time today, I cannot escape the commercials.
All four games are on commercial break. Luckily, it is the Best Buy ad where the little fat guy
boxes against Clubber Lang. Great stuff.6:05 - Channel 712, Seattle at San Francisco. Sharpie Bowl II.
I'm still having a hard time thinking of these teams as Division rivals. Garrison Hearst pounds the
ball into the endzone giving the Niners a 24-3 lead. This one could get very ugly.6:21 - DEN/SD. Dick Enberg refers to Chester McGlockton as
Chester "McLachlan" for about the 19th time. Denver 24 San Diego 24.6:48 - The Eagles fumble deep in St. Louis territory just as they
are about to put an end to St. Louis' hopes for this game and this season. The teams have combined for
eight turnovers in the game. There is no danger of this one ending up on Classic Sports.7:02 - The Chargers have the ball fourth and inches on the Denver 20
already ahead 27-24. Marty decides to go for it, but Brees is stopped for no gain and the Broncos hold.
Schottenheimer may be second guessed for that decision should the Bolts lose.7:15 - The Chargers have the ball again, this time it is fourth and
two at the Denver 33. Marty didn't take the 37-yard field goal just minutes ago but now he will attempt
a 50-yarder. Christie misses and Denver takes over on its own 40 still down by only three points.7:21 - The Rams take over down 10-3 on their 30 yard line with a 0:20
remaining. Three incompletions later, the game is over along with St. Louis' playoff hopes.7:25 - The Chargers-Broncos game has lived up to its billing. Jason
Elam ties the game at 27 with 1:39 left on the clock.7:31 - The Chargers do nothing with their final possession and there
will be overtime for the third time today. Have I mentioned lately how much I love DirecTV?7:36 - Denver wins the toss and because this is not Detroit, they elect
to take the ball first in overtime.7:38 - Miraculously, Seattle has come back from a 31-10 deficit and
has the ball in San Francisco territory down 31-24 with under two minutes remaining. On the very
first play after I flip the channel Matt Hasselbeck throws and interception. Game over.7:42 - Denver cannot advance the ball on their first drive in
overtime and is forced to punt. On the punt, Denver's Lenny Walls lines up in the neutral zone and
is flagged for the very rare offensive offside call. Denver is forced to re-kick and San Diego
gains an extra 20 yards as a result of the penalty. I have now seen two giant mistakes
by former Boston College players in the last four minutes. I feel like I'm back at Alumni Stadium.7:48 - I'm watching the Burger King commercial featuring the new Simpsons
talking watches. I really want the one that has a picture of Homer and says "Mmmmmmm, Burger" when you
push a button. I realize that I forgot about Indianapolis and Houston. A quick check of the scoreboard
channel on 703 tells me that the Colts won 19-3. My picks are 2-1 in the afternoon pending the San Diego-Denver
outcome.7:55 - Elam misses wide left from 53 yards out. Earlier in the
overtime, San Diego's Steve Christie had a 37-yarder blocked. Christie has missed three times today.
Adam Vinatieri has missed twice all season. I still wonder why good kickers aren't picked higher in the
NFL draft.7:59 - Given good staring field position, the Chargers move the ball
nicely. Brees looks sharp as he moves the Chargers into field goal range. Then again, what is field goal
range today? It looks like Marty wants to get a lot closer before attempting the field goal this time
around.8:04 - Christie hits the chip-shot and Charger fans go home
happy and in first place in the AFC West. After seven hours of great football, I can now put down
the remote and walk away from my couch. Three overtimes, 8 of 12 games
decided by seven points or less and a turkey sandwich. What more could a guy ask for on a lazy
Sunday afternoon?
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