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Random Notes - May 5, 2003 
I've set the over/under on the date that the first fan falls off the top of the Green Monster to July
10th. Coincidentally, July 10th is also the over/under for the first date that a Red Sox reliever
pitches a 1-2-3 inning.
Iowa State head basketball coach Larry Eustachy is on the verge of losing his job after incriminating
photos of the 47-year-old coach drinking and partying with college students from the University of
Missouri were published last week. Meanwhile, new Alabama head football coach Mike Price was
dismissed from his job for putting himself in a questionable situation involving a stripper while at
a golf tournament in Florida. Price's actions violated the morals clause included in his contract.
I guess Price and Eustachy should have pursued a career where morals are irrelevant ...
like politics.
If I ever start a techno band, I will have a difficult time deciding whether to call my group Wolf
Blitzer or Hans Blix.
The most frivilous suit in legal history was filed last month when the Oakland Raiders asked a judge
to prevent the Tampa Bay Buccaneers from wearing their pirate-themed uniforms while playing
games in California because Tampa's logo "is likely to dilute the distinctive quality of the Raiders' mark,
thereby lessening its capacity to identify the Raiders and causing irreparable harm that cannot adequately
be compensated by an award of damages." The Raiders also sought a similar ban against the Carolina
Panthers because Carolina's uniforms include the colors silver and black. It is foolish enough to
think that the Buccaneers skull logo infringes on the Raiders "guy with eye patch" logo, but to include
the Carolina Panthers in the suit because their uniforms include silver and black proves beyond
a shadow of a doubt that Al Davis has now reached full-blown senility.
Does Davis think he owns the color combination of silver and black? Does Gangster Al feel that he should
have control over all things pirate? Compared to this lunacy, Davis'
demented claims that there is a league-wide conspiracy against him seem plausible. At this rate,
Davis will be having conversations with the endzone pylons by the end of next season. Simply astounding.
I've been wondering, if a vampire sucks the blood of a person with high pressure, does the
vampire himself get high pressure?
Penny Hardaway is the .com stock of the NBA. Maybe the Phoenix Suns should ask for a capital
gains loss deduction on Hardaway against the team's salary cap.
Has anyone seen "Joe Millionaire" and Java Man in the same place at the same time?
It is great to see some new blood in the latter rounds NHL Playoffs. Four of the final eight teams
did not even exist in 1990 - the Ducks, Wild, Lightning and Senators. Maybe if the Sens win the Cup
they will be able to afford a decent logo.
I'm willing to bet that the Mets are trying feverishly to trade for Braves pitcher Jung Bong.Random Notes - April 10, 2003
These have certainly been tense times of late with the country at war and most of the cowardly, inept,
envy-stricken world criticizing every move the American government makes. The end of the war is near
and that should provide great relief to Americans, no matter what your opinion of the administration's
actions. Americans, for or against the War in Iraq, should also be very proud of the job performed
by the American Military. These men and women showed great courage, skill, determination and humanity
and made sacrifices that most of us will never understand. The War proved that the American Military
is not only the most powerful in the world, but also the best trained. The world owes the United States
and Great Britain an enormous debt of gratitude for ridding the world of one of the most evil dictators
in history (or at least removing him from power). Unfortunately, most of the world's nations are
ungrateful weasels so no one in the Armed Forces should hold their breath.
There is of course nothing funny about war in itself, but it did provide a backdrop for some comic relief.
I was thrilled to see that Robert "The Chief" Parish will be inducted into the
Hall of Fame this year. When I first heard the story, I needed to double-check and make sure Parish's
induction was for the Basketball Hall of Fame and not the High Times Hall of Fame.
Ironically, France is starting to remind me of the University of Notre Dame
football program. Both France and Notre Dame still regard themselves as superpowers while the everyone
else recognizes that they have fallen deep into the second tier. I guess the difference between the two is
that the French Army would never participate in anything as physically demanding or dangerous as a tackle
football game.
Clearly, Theo Epstein is not well-versed in Red Sox lore. Any true Sox fan knew that picking up longtime
Yankee reliever Ramiro Mendoza was exceptionally bad for team karma. Does the name Mike Torrez ring a bell?
I imagine that if the Sox had picked up Babe Ruth during Spring Training in 1927, the Babe would have batted
.212 with 9 homers that year.
I love the addition of the speedy Damian Jackson to the Red Sox bench. It will be a wonderful thing to
have a guy that can come off the bench and steal a base in a tight game in the late innings. The Sox
haven't had a player like that since ... well, forever.Now on to the New Idiot List 10Martha Burk Martha Bark (oops, I mean Burk) has become a household name for her endless attacks on Augusta National for not allowing women to be members of its presdigious golf club. Burk's true idiocy stems not so much from the fact that she is attempting to force Augusta to accept female members, but because she equates the private club's exclusion of women to the exclusion of minitories. Any person with a shred of sense knows that those are two very different issues. There are probably thousands of health clubs in the United States that exclude men. I wonder if Martha's group would protest that? I think not. 9 The Portland Jail Blazers No team is a bigger waste of god-given talent than the gang of thugs known as the Portland Trail Blazers. Blazer player names have been on the police blotter almost as often as the box score this season. This reminds me of a joke a heard on sports radio this week -- Question: Ruben Patterson, Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire are all in a car, who is driving? Answer: The Police. 8 San Diego Chargers I have always rooted for the San Diego Chargers, from the great teams of Dan Fouts to the lovable losers of recent years. That is why I was deeply disappointed when the Bolts spent $47 million to sign former Ohio State dirtbag (funny how those last three words always seem to end up together) David Boston. Apparently, Boston's drunk driving arrest and positive tests for both cocaine and marijuana didn't scare away a San Diego team longing for offensive firepower. To sum it all up: Junior Seau out; David Boston in (at least after his four game suspension for violating the league's substance abuse policy). What is wrong with the world? 7 United States Basketball Olympic Selection Committee They are idiots for even suggesting that Allen Iverson be invited to play on the United States Olympic Basketball Team. Iverson is clearly one of the twelve best American players in the NBA, but how can anyone suggest that he is the type of person we want representing our country? 6 The New York Rangers For the sixth consecutive season the New York Rangers, with the highest payroll in the league, will fail to earn a spot in the National Hockey League Playoffs (let's not forget that more than half of the league qualifies for the NHL playoffs). Given the consistent failures on the ice and their bulging bank account, I would have to say that the Rangers are the most poorly run organization in all of professional sports, including the Cincinnati Bengals. 5 France The French remain at #5 on the BostonSportsHub.com Idiot list. Not only have the Cheese-eating surrender monkeys (as Homer Simpson calls them) stabbed America in the back to protect their own self-interests, now they have indicated that they will withhold humanitarian aid that would go to the Iraqi people. We can only hope they don't trade the humanitarian aid for wine, cheese and Jerry Lewis DVDs. 4 Pedro Martinez I can't believe that I'm saying this: Pedro Martinez is acting like a first class idiot. Pedro has cried and whined about one thing or another since the day he arrived in Boston, but most of what he has said in the past has been excused because of what he has given the Red Sox and their fans on the mound. Pedro's comments of late, however, are inexcusable and cannot be ignored. He complained all Spring because the Red Sox had not exercised his 2004 option for $17.5 million, claiming in the press that he might leave the Red Sox at the end of his contract if they didn't exercise the option by Opening Day. In an amazing show of good faith (and probably poor judgement) the Sox exercised the option a season early, putting themselves squarely on the line for an extra $17.5 million if Pedro suffers a career-ending injury this season. No franchise that I can recall has done such a favor for an athlete. Shockingly, Pedro responded to this unique show of good faith by complaining even more because the Red Sox have not extended his contact beyond 2004 (Pedro will earn $32.5 million over the next two years). All this while the country is in the middle of a war. His comments make no sense other than to illustrate that he has become one of the greediest, most spoiled players in all of professional sports. I for one, am getting tired of this garbage and I imagine that the Red Sox are too. 3 Martin Sheen We have heard plenty of anti-war sentiment (or more appropriately, grandstanding) over the past few months from loud-mouthed celebrities, including Michael Moore, the Dixie Chicks and Sean Penn. For some reason, these people feel the need to step out of their limos and mansions to explain to all of us why they know so much about the plight of the underprivleged. Among these celebrities, no one has been more annoying than Martin Sheen. Sheen endlessly criticizes the Bush administration and never fails to find the cameras while doing so. What I find hardest to believe is that a man who cannot even properly raise his own son (Charlie's exploits are legendary) feels that he has the right to tell others how to run an entire country. Maybe his role as the President on The West Wing has gone to his head. 2 The NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Selection Committee Last month, you heard me sound off on the atrocious job done by this year's Committee, led by Chairman Jim Livengood. The Committee's snub of Boston College in favor Alabama was easily the most ludicrous selection any committee has ever made. So outrageous in fact, that I think there is a legitimate reason to believe that someone was paying off a favor. There was also the BYU debacle and the bizarre placement of #3 seed Syracuse closer to home in the Regional Semifinals and Finals than #2 Pittsburgh, a move that helped pave the way for a Syracuse Championship and an early exit for Pitt. 1 Flag Burners I don't have a huge problem with American citizens protesting the War in Iraq. The "do nothing and hope it all works out" platform doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but I can appreciate someone's right to peacefully and legally make their opinions heard. After all, what could be more American, or a better example of freedom, than that? What I cannot tolerate is Americans burning American flags as a form of protest. The American flag represents the hard work of the people that built this country and those that have given their lives to protect it. Words cannot fully describe the contempt and utter disgust that I feel for American citizens who purposely burn the Stars and Stripes. The only down side of our freedom is that is gives ungrateful human garbage the right to commit such an act. I think it is safe to say that if you are at the stage where you are burning an American flag, it is time to find a new place to live. I hear France is nice this time of year. March Madness Notes - March 19, 2003
I was literally shaking in anger after the NCAA Tournament brackets were unveiled on Sunday night. I could not
believe my eyes - NC State, Gonzaga, Auburn and Alabama in; Boston College and Seton Hall out. NC State had
a lower RPI, more total losses, a far worse road record, a weaker record down the
stretch and a poorer conference record than BC. Add to that the fact that the Wolfpack lost to BC on their own
home court. The only advantage NC State had on paper was one more win against the RPI Top 50
(2-8 vs BC's 1-5). You see, it's all about politics and the Committee never fails to kiss a little ACC rear end
whenever possible. Then there's Alabama.
The Crimson Tide were 7-9 and in 8th place in the SEC (Scandal Everyday Conference). They are 7-10 since the
10th on January, finished 1-8 on the road and didn't even reach the quarterfinals in their conference
tournament, losing in the first round to an awful Vanderbilt team. Yet the Committee decided to take the
8th best team in the 12-school SEC over not one, but two teams tied for third in the 14-team Big East because
the Tide won a few games over some good teams three months ago.
Apparently, the Committee thinks Bama's 5-7 record against the RPI Top 50 is so stellar that it erases the
fact that they fail in every other category. Auburn didn't exactly light the world on fire either, finishing
5-9. The scary part is that Alabama is seeded 10th which leads you to believe that they were far from the last
team to get in. Would the Tide have been in had they finished 6-10 in conference play? 5-11?
To be honest, I wasn't overly surprised to see NC State's name on the brackets, especially after listening to Dick Vitale lobby for them nonstop for two days. But, Alabama's inclusion (and seeding) is bizzare. So bizzare in fact that even Dick Vitale was critical of the selection and he thinks everybody deserves to be in the Tournament. The fact that Alabama is in the NCAA Tournament tells me that one of two things be true:
Once my anger subsided, I searched the internet for Selection Committee Chairman Jim Livengood's
phone number, which I found on the University of Arizona's web site. I called
Livengood's office, but of course received his voice mail. I left a message voicing my shock and
chagrin and told him that "I hope Alabama's check clears." I didn't get a return phone call. Big shock.
The other villian in this whole mess is Big East Commissioner Mike Tranghese. Over the past decade,
Tranghese has turned the Big East from one of the premier basketball conferences into a conference
where a team can be four games over .500 in league play and be left out of the Tourney in favor of teams
like Butler, Gonzaga and Southern Illinois. The Big East was once thought
of as one of the six power conferences (along with the ACC, Big Ten, Big XII, Pac Ten and SEC). The fact
that two teams could finish 10-6 in conference play (one a division leader) and both be left out of the
NCAA Tournament tells me that there are now five power conferences with the Big East in limbo next to
Conference USA and the Atlantic-10. Tranghese's weakness and inability to fight for his teams has
occurred regularly over the past ten years. Three years ago, Notre Dame was able to steal a football
BCS Bowl spot from Virginia Tech (among others). In 2001, Boston College was 26-4 and won the Big East
Regular Season and Conference Tournament, yet was given a #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament. This year,
Pittsburgh duplicated BC's effort and wasn't even considered for a #1 seed. Then there is the fact that
Notre Dame was allowed to join the Big East in basketball without being required to join in football.
I could go on for days on this
subject. I think it is clear that the Big East needs a change in leadership immediately.
The Selection Committee's seemingly endless supply of blunders didn't stop with the BC's snub:
What is wrong with Billy Packer? He interviewed Livengood and his biggest issue was that Texas Tech was
not invited to the Tournament. Texas Tech? Bob Knight's Red Raiders were 6-10 in conference play, but
Billy thought that they should be in ahead of BC and Seton Hall? Thank god that clown isn't on the committee.
I am also sick of hearing how Butler was snubbed last year. I am certainly of the opinion that RPI is
overrated but Butler's was RPI of 77 last year was too high for consideration. I think their biggest
win was a two point victory over Waltham
High School. Yet television commentators continue to talk about the injustice of Butler being kept out
last March. It amazes me how these people jump on the soapbox without doing any research.
I think it is now time for the NCAA Tournament to expand to 68 teams. This setup would increase the
number of 16/17 play-in games in four - one in each region. With this year's at large selection of Butler,
Gonzaga and Southern Illinois, the Committee has demostrated the desire to include more teams from the
so-called mid-major conferences. In the expansion to 68 teams, I would add a requirement that the Committee
must choose at least two at large teams from mid major conferences provided that those teams have an RPI of
75 or less. With more good teams in the mid-major conferences, the overall quality of teams in the NCAA
Tournament would not suffer with three additional at-large teams. The second benefit of a 68-team NCAA
Tournament would be that the first rounds 2 vs 15 and 1 vs 16 games would be more competitive because the
teams that are now 14 seeds would be 15's and the teams that are 15 seeds now would be tougher 16's.
Finally, I couldn't end this version of my notes without commenting on the horrible state of officiating
in the Big East conference. Nearly every time I tuned in for a Big East game this season, the performance
of the officials was putrid. In a game in January, the referees absolutely handed a key Big East game
to Notre Dame at Conte Forum. Had the Eagles won that day, as they deserved to, they would probably be in the
Tournament (though even 11-5 in the conference may not have been good enough for Dopey Livengood).
Georgetown's Craig Esherick nearly blew his stack on numerous occasions and every coach in the league outside
of the favorite sons Calhoun and Boeheim have a reason to criticize the league's officiating. Hopefully,
this problem will be dealt with before next season.
The BostonSportsHub.com Idiot List - February 20, 2003 10 Basketball Court-stormers. I miss the days when the act of storming the court by fans at a college basketball game was reserved for momentous occasions, such as winning a championship or when a downtrodden program toppled one of its chief rivals. These days, any victory seems to be a reason for fans to rush the court. Recently, I saw the St. Louis Billiken fans rush the court after a victory over Louisville, a team that hasn't won a meaningful game since the Reagan administration. Just about every night some set of fans at some college in America is storming the court after a relatively meaningless win. Give it a rest people. 9 LeBron James' Mother With all of the attention and hero-worship that is coming his way, I imagine that LeBron James must have an ego the size of Alaska. As we have seen in the past, the careers and lives of many promising young athletes have come crashing down because people of that age are typically not mature enough to handle the inevitable criticism after years and years of listening to everyone tell them how great they are. You would think that the one person in the world who would make the effort to keep LeBron's ego in check would be his mother. Well, think again. LeBron's mother decided that what her eighteen year old son needed was a $50,000 Hummer, complete with three televisions, so she bought him one for his birthday (with his future earnings of course). It seems that Mom is more eager to get her hands on her son's money than anyone. 8 Hummer Owners There are only two reasons why someone would drive a Hummer: (1) You are in the military. (2) You are an arrogant, obnoxious idiot. Let me first say, that I have no problem with people who drive SUV's. Granted, they are a safety hazard to the rest of us, but I am willing to accept that they are very practical for many people, specifically those people with clildren and those who live in climates with a lot of snow. However, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to be driving around in one of those gigantic, status-symbol, overcompensate for some shortcoming SUV's and Hummers that are about four times the size of a typical midsize sedan. Hummers, Escalades and the rest of the "cars" in the terrorist funding program are the bane of every other driver's existence, especially when the driver of one of those tanks is wielding a cell phone, which seems to be the case about 90% of the time. 7 Jeremy Shockey Jeremy Shockey embodies the traits of so many NFL players arriving via the University of Miami football program: arrogance, lack of class, lack of intelligence and a ton of physical talent. Shockey spent the better part of the season dancing around and taunting his opponents. So much for rookies knowing their place. On the sidelines, Shockey amused himself by throwing objects at the fans. Off the field, he has been in trouble numerous times and I'm sure that will only escalate as as time goes on. I suspect that just about every defensive back in the league will have Shockey on their hit list next season. 6 Matt Millen As anyone who has read my Random Notes in the past knows, I am not a big fan of Matt Millen. Millen was a dirty football player, a horrendous commentator and is now living up to his billing as a god-awful NFL executive. Millen's latest mental blunder was his failure to abide by NFL rules and interview an African-American candidate for the Lions head coaching job that eventually became Steve Mariucci's. Millen claimed that five African-American head coaches turned down an opportunity to interview for the job. Now, it is possible that the Lions will be penalized by the NFL because of Millen's idiocy. But can you really blame Millen? He can't count past five. 5 France It so pains me that France has such a major voice in the decisions made by the United Nations. Whenever there is conflict, the French cower with their tails between their legs. Whenever there is funding needed, the French government zips their wallet tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge. The only time France ever gets involved is when they want to criticize someone else's policies. If rudeness and perversion were weapons of mass destruction, it would be France and not Iraq that the rest of the World would need to worry about. I wish there was a way to get this pathetic second world country to shut its trap. 4 George Steinbrenner Big George gets the 4th slot on this month's idiot list for criticizing Derek Jeter. I, of course, am a hater of all things Yankee, but I have always had a deep respect for Derek Jeter. With the exception of money, Jeter has been the single most important factor in New York's success over the past seven years. He has been the catalyst for the team's offense and a quarterback on defense, bailing the Yankees out time and time again. George's criticism of his best all around player is dumbfounding. Then again, that's George being George. 3 Manhattanville Basketball Player Toni Smith In case you don't know, Toni Smith is the basketball player that has gained national fame for turning her back on the American flag during the national anthem played before each basketball game. Although I wholeheartedly defend her right to do what she does, her act sickens me. There are plenty of anti-war protesters, but few would condone turning their back on the American flag. Protest is one thing, disrespect for America is another. The irony is that the very flag from which she is turning her back is the same one that represents her right to turn her back. I also doubt that Ms. Smith understands that if she were to pull the same stunt in Iraq, the country that she is evidently so eager to protect, she would undoubtedly be tortured for her actions. 2 Jeremy Jacobs The Bruins miserly owner is a guaranteed first ballot Idiot List Hall of Famer. I'm sure that you have read many of my verbal attacks on the man that forced me to abandon my once beloved Bruins at the beginning of this season. The latest talented young player to be forced out of town because of money is Kyle McLaren, who was traded to the Sharks as part of a three team deal in January. McLaren joins Guerin, Allison, Carter and others on the long list of players the greedy Jacobs has let go because they asked for market value contracts. The disgraceful Jacobs is succeeding in ruining one of the great franchises in sports. It's sad ... very sad. 1 Kevin Brown No one fits the profile of idiot better than Dodgers pitcher Kevin Brown. Last week Brown rolled into Spring Training late with no excuse other than that he wanted to spend more time with his family. There is of course nothing wrong with a man wanting to be with his family, but this is a hollow excuse. Brown has had four and a half uninterrupted months to spend with his family yet he cannot arrive on time for his $2 million per month job. What's worse, Brown has been injured for the better part of the last two seasons so, if anything, he should be arriving to Spring Training early. Brown has won a whopping 13 games in the past two years ($2.3 million per win in case you a wondering). Let's also not forget that part of Brown's $15 million per year contract stipulates that he is allowed to leave the team a few times per year. What a team player. Kevin Brown embodies everything that is wrong with today's pro athlete and that is why he is the #1 idiot in the World of Sports this month. |
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