Sadly, my interest in the Summer Olympics (and the Winter Games for that matter) seems to diminish every
four years. I have fond memories of the 1980 Winter Games in Lake Placid, largely because it was my first
experience watching the Olympics. I was too young to understand the overall significance of the US Hockey
Team's victory over Russia, but I loved the action nonetheless. I vividly recall the great 1984 Summer
Games in Los Angeles. The Americans of course won every medal that wasn't nailed down. There was plenty
of hype for the Summer games in 1992 (the original Dream Team) and 1996 (hosted by Atlanta). I can't
recall anything from 2000 except for Rulon Gardner. The Winter Games haven't been compelling since the year that
Tonya Harding hired some oaf to play whack-a-mole with Nancy Kerrigan's ankle. This year, I probably
watched less of the Summer Games than ever, but did tune in long enough to come up with a few observations.
Has there ever been a sillier Olympic event than fast walking (or as they call it the 20 km and 50 km walk)?
The participants in this "sport" obviously have a high threshold for humiliation. Martin Short and Harry
Shearer didn't even look that goofy in their classic 1984 Men's synchronized swimming skit on Saturday
Night Live ("I'm not that strong a swimmer"). It is a travesty that fast walking became an Olympic
event before poker, candlepin bowling, Nintendo and wiffle ball.
Like many, I felt that the Misty May / Kerri Walsh romp to gold in Beach Volleyball was one of the most
compelling stories of the Olympics. Still, I couldn't have been the only one who thought that the news
of Misty May sprinking her dead mother's ashes on the court before the semifinal game was a little bit
creepy. I also felt guilty because I couldn't help but think about the end of The Big Lebowski
where The Dude and Walter have the ceremony for Donny.
Was anyone else thinking that Jennie Finch and Beach Volleyball is a match made in heaven?
As usual, we were forced to suffer through gymnastics nearly every night in primetime. It's bad enough when
medals are on the line, but NBC also televised the "it doesn't even count" gymnastics recital (or whatever they
call it). It makes me want to scream. I still cannot understand the fascination with watching these
hobbits bounce around on a floor mat. Thank god there is no professional gymnastics league. Having the
WNBA force fed to us on national television every week is bad enough.
One of the most ludicrous stories to come out of the Olympics came from the International Federation of
Gymnastics which asked American Paul Hamm to turn in the gold medal that he won because of a judge's scoring
error. This is beyond ridiculous, even for people involved in gymnastics. First of all, the
entire sport is based on the random whims of judges. There is no real scoring system, so
every medalist is more or less chosen at random to begin with. Secondly, errors in officiating is part of
every sport (not that gymnastics is really a sport). It would set a foolish precendent if teams that won
important matches or games started surrendering their victories where there was evidence of poor
officiating. Should the Kansas City Royals hand over the 1985 World Series trophy to the St. Louis Cardinals?
Should the Raiders surrender Superbowl XI because a bad roughing the passer call against the Patriots enabled
them to get to the Superbowl? I'm going to say "no" but I'm sure the guys who closely follow the sport
which features men in tights will disagree with me.
Of all the jobs in the world that I would not recommend for nearsighted people, javelin distance
judge tops the list.
My favorite personality from the Olympics was the Russian Women's Volleyball coach, Nikolay Karpol.
Karpol spent the entire championship game screaming at his players. Apparently, he's like that during
all of the games. This guy is so out of control he makes Bob Knight look like Mr. Rogers.
More from Outside of Athens:
The United States and every other country that isn't a complete farce (that's you Phillipines)
adheres to a strict policy of never negotiating with terrorists. I think the NFL
needs to institute a similar "do not negotiate with holdouts under contract" policy.
How irrelevant is baseball in Montreal? Let's put it this way: Expos fans no longer have the will to
chase foul balls hit into the stands.
I can't think of a better way to end the month than with a score like Indians 22, Yankees 0.
In just over two weeks, the Red Sox have moved from 10 1/2 games behind the Hated Ones to only 3 1/2
games out. Moreover, during that time the Yankees have won four games in the ninth
inning. The Yankees trailed heading into the ninth in one of those games and won two others with two
outs in the ninth inning. Take those games away and the Sox are actually ahead in the AL East.
The Yankees shouldn't
have a lead to begin with. Boston has outscored their opponents by a total of 141 runs this season.
The Yankees have outscored their opponents by a total of only 59. The Red Sox have a higher batting
average by nearly 20 points and have scored 37 more runs than the Bronx Bombers. The Red Sox staff ERA
is nearly an entire run better than the Yankee staff ERA. With the additions of Cabrera and
Mientkiewicz, the Sox are probably a better defensive team as well. The Sox are 8-5 against New York
this year and would be 10-3 if not for a hole in David Ortiz's glove and a fluke two-out, extra inning
rally by the Yankee bench stiffs. The Yankees are not only in danger of giving up the AL East, but the
way that Anaheim and Oakland are playing, the $190 million men may not even make the playoffs. Best of
all, the trading deadline has come and gone, so Steinbrenner can't buy any more players in 2004. The
Red Sox are clearly the better team. Hopefully, they will be at least four games better over the
next five weeks.
