The reviews are in. Here are some testaments to Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 911:
"I laughed, I cried. Finally, a film where I am the good guy."
-Saddam Hussein
"This is the best Al Qaeda recruiting tool I've seen. The only thing missing is terrorists training on
monkey bars."
-Osama Bin Laden
"It was a brilliant moronic film. I loved every minute that I hated it. At the concession stand I bought
popcorn before I didn't I buy popcorn. I give it one thumb up and one thumb down."
-John Kerry
"I didn't care for it."
-George W. Bush
"Two Thumbs Way Up!"
-Ebert and Roeper
(Believe it or not, the last quote is real. Now that I think of it, I've never seen Ebert and Michael
Moore in the same place at the same time).
Here are some quotes from Michael Moore followed by my comments
"If someone did this [9/11] to get back at Bush, then they did so by killing thousands of people who
DID NOT VOTE for him! Boston, New York, D.C., and the planes' destination of California -- these were
places that voted AGAINST Bush!"
-Michael Moore, September 12, 2001
First of all, this quote proves that Michael Moore is the dumbest man on the planet. Why on earth would
Al Qaeda be trying to "get back at George Bush" as Moore proposes? It makes no sense. It wouldn't have
mattered if Bush, Gore, Clinton or Bugs Bunny were President. Killing Americans was their only motivation.
It's sickening that Moore, just one day after the terrorist attacks, was already exploiting the deaths of
3,000 people to make a political statement - a completely nonsensical one - against George Bush. When
decent people learn of tragic events like 9/11 and the shootings at Columbine, we feel great sadness and
our hearts go out to the victims and their families. When Michael Moore learns of these events, all
he can think about is how to exploit their deaths for financial gain. When people die in a very public
manner, Michael Moore probably hears the sound of cash registers ringing in his head.
"There is no terrorist threat in this country. This is a lie. This is the biggest lie we've been told."
-Michael Moore, October 2003
No terrorist threat? Unbelievable. The next thing we know, Michael Moore will be doing a "documentary"
claiming that 9/11 never happened and that Adolf Hilter is George W. Bush's real father.
"The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.'
They are the Revolution, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow, and they will win."
-Michael Moore
Michael Moore has said so many disgusting things, it's hard to pick the worst. This one is certainly
a finalist. In this quote, Moore compares our Minutemen, who fought toe to toe with British soldiers to
people in Iraq who (a) cowardly sneak up and shoot our soldiers in the back or (b) murder American
civilians, burn their bodies and hang their corpses from bridges or (c) murder people from their own
country simply because those people desire freedom. It also appears that Moore is rooting for the insurgent
terrorists ("and they will win").
"I'm sorry, but the majority of Americans supported this war once it began and, sadly, that majority
must now sacrifice their children until enough blood has been let that maybe -- just maybe -- God
and the Iraqi people will forgive us in the end."
-Michael Moore
Wow. This sounds an awful lot like the material coming out of Osama Bin Laden. Al Qaeda's opinion is
that America is the evil force and that God is on the side of people that kill innocent Americans and
Israelis. Obviously, Michael Moore agrees with that belief. It appears that he is also calling for
the deaths of American soldiers. I can't be 100% sure, but it would not surprise me if Moore
is rooting for our soldiers to die with the hope that it will help John Kerry win the November election.
"The dumbest Brit here is smarter than the smartest American".
-Michael Moore
Riiiight. That's why Great Britain is the most powerful, successful country in the world. Oh wait,
that's the United States.
"There's a gullible side to the American people. They can be easily misled. Religion is the best
device used to mislead them."
-Michael Moore
Hmmm. In this quote Moore is talking about "gullible" Americans being "misled." The pinnacle of gullible
people being misled is the audience at a Fahrenheit 911 showing. People in the Middle East believe
that America is evil because they have had it drilled into their heads every day of their lives since birth.
Convincing some Americans that the United States is evil apparently requires nothing more than two hours and
a tub of popcorn. No one - I mean no one - has misled Americans more than Michael Moore.
"I like America to some extent."
-Michael Moore's response after being asked "You do not seem to
like the U.S., do you?"
This is the closest Michael Moore will ever come to honesty. He clearly hates the United States
as a nation, he hates Americans (except for himself) and he hates American soldiers.
"The Patriot Act is the first step. Mein Kampf was written long before Hitler
came to power. And if the people of Germany had done something early on to stop these early signs,
when the right-wing, when the extremists such as yourself (Bob Novak), decide that this is the way
to go, if people don't speak up against this, you end up with something like they had in Germany."
-Michael Moore
Michael Moore may think he is being original by comparing the United States to the Third Reich,
but this has been done to death by America-haters ranging from George Soros to Janeane Garofalo.
Adolf Hitler killed as many as 30 million people. I can't even begin to describe how shameful it
is to compare Hitler's acts of uncomparable evil to U.S. foreign policy. Actually, what America has
done is remove from power a man who was one of the most prolific mass murderers since Hitler. Had Moore
been alive in 1944, he probably would have taken Hitler's side.
"The motivation for war is simple. The U.S. government started the war with Iraq in order to make
it easy for U.S. corporations to do business in other countries. They intend to use cheap labor in
those countries, which will make Americans rich."
-Michael Moore
This comment appears to be jibberish. I would need a Traitor to English Dictionary to figure
this one out.
"We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We
live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fictition
of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war"
-Michael Moore
This coming from a man whose movies are more fictitious than Spiderman 2.
More Conspiracy Theories and Stupidity
Michael Moore claims that the U.S. went to war in Afghanistan not to avenge the terrorist attacks
but so that the Unocal Corporation could build a natural gas pipeline across Afghanistan.
Is anyone really dumb enough to believe that the murder of 3,000 people on September 11th was NOT the
reason for the invasion of Afghanistan? Well, there is at least one. Democratic National Committee
Chairman Terry McAuliffe believes Moore's fantasy and has endorsed Moore's America-hating ways. Of
course this is the same guy who has been whining about the 2000 election for four consecutive years.
Unlike the rest of us, McAuliffe and Moore didn't learn about the electoral college in fifth grade.
In late 2002, a year after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, in a debate with with Christopher Hitchens at
the Telluride Film Festival, Moore claimed that Osama Bin Laden should be considered innocent until
proven guilty.
Bin Laden innocent? Has Moore not seen Bin Laden's tapes urging Muslims to kill Americans? I'm sure
he has seen the tapes but when you take sides with the enemy, you might as well go all out. What's
worse is that Moore has been calling George W. Bush a deserter (from the Air National Guard) though there
isn't a shred of evidence to support it. In Moore's eyes, The President is guilty until proven innocent but
Bin Laden deserves the benefit of the doubt.
Final Comments
The biggest irony of all is that if Michael Moore had been a citizen of Iraq during Saddam Hussein reign
and had made a similar film insulting the Saddam regime, the Iraqi dictator would have tortured him,
imprisoned him and probably killed him, all without anything resembling a trial. Moore would not
be able to produce these documentaries or make the millions that he does anywhere else in the world.
Though Moore is very much a traitor, a deceiver and a despicable human being, the word that describes him
best is 'ingrate.' He owes more to this country than pretty much every other United States citizen.
He repays that by insulting Americans, emboldening our enemies and increasing the level of danger for
our troops in Iraq. It sickens me that I have to share the planet with this man.
And More
As I looked at this past weekend's movie openings, it appeared that a Conservative had made a film to
offset Moore's "Bush-bashing" in Fahrenheit 911. I was wrong. As it turns out, i-Robot
is not about John Kerry.
The latest small thing that makes me laugh: SUV drivers slowing down to 2 miles per hour to go over
speedbumps.
The over/under on Maria Sharapova joining the Sopranos to play Tony's latest Russian mistress
is January 2006. The over/under on the number of months before everyone forgets about Anna Kournikova
is four.
The Sox ended the day seven games behind the Yankees in the AL East despite having a better run
differential (+74 to +58) than the Bronx Bombers. The Sox will need to win at least two of three next
weekend in Fenway to have a legitimate chance to win the AL East. Pedro's extra day off (he pitched
Friday in Anaheim instead of Thursday) means that he will miss the Yankee series in Fenway. Between
this episode, Nomar's sulking in the last Yankee series and the Manny hamstring incident (he was somehow
healthy enough for the All Star Game), it appears that the Red Sox top three superstars
don't care too much about winning a championship.
Speaking of the Yankees, I'm feeling generous today so I will do something that I have never done
before and will probably never do again. I am going to say something nice about the Yankees. I hate
the Yankees and I always will, but it doesn't mean that they don't have any redeeming qualities. In
fact, I would much rather spend a day with a Yankee fan that supports his country than a Red Sox fan
that supports Michael Moore. Anyway, here is my list of five good things about the Yankees (you didn't
really expect me to come up with ten did you?).
- Derek Jeter: How can anyone not be impressed with the way Derek Jeter plays the game? Jeter's
catch against the Red Sox where he tumbled into the Yankee Stadium stands is a testament to his exceptional
effort and desire. Most players would have slid feet first on that play, but not Jeter. He sacrificed
his body for the team as if it were the seventh game of the World Series. Jeter is also one of the
smartest ballplayers I have even seen on a baseball diamond. It is no accident that he is always in the
right place at the right time.
- The Yankees, for the most part, have been a decent group of guys: Like most teams, the Yankees
have employed some scoundrels over the past few years (Kevin Brown, Karim Garcia, Jeff Nelson, Roger
Clemens) but for the most part, the Yankees have had a very likeable roster over the past six or seven
years. I've already mentioned Derek Jeter. You can add all-around good guys like Mariano Rivera,
Bernie Williams, Andy Pettitte and Jorge Posada. Paul O'Neill was a guy that annoyed me with his
constant whining to the umpires, but he always played hard and I always respected him for it. Leading
this crew is another good guy, Joe Torre. I sort of miss the old days when the Yankees had players
that you loved to hate like Reggie Jackson, Luis Polonia, Steve Howe and Darryl Strawberry.
- Steinbrenner is Committed to Winning: I don't like George Steinbrenner but I have to give him credit
for doing everything that he can to win. Steinbrenner could easily get away with a $150 million payroll.
Not many fans would object since he would still be spending $20 million more than any other team. Instead he
is spending $190 million (not including luxury tax) and is willing to raise that figure even more to improve
his team. I don't like the fact that the league allows him to outspend everyone by 50-400% but I can't help
but admire the fact that he is trying to win, unlike some greedy, penny-pinching owners around baseball.
- YES Network Announcers: As a DirecTV subscriber, I have access to a good percentage of the games
played in the major leagues, including the Yankee games on the YES Network. Though they could never
replace Don, Sean and Jerry, the YES broadcast team of Michael Kay and Jim Katt is excellent. They have
great knowledge of baseball, the Yankees and the opponent. I appreciate Michael Kay's understated
play-by-play (which is quite the opposite of obnoxious radio voice John "Theeeeeeeeee Yankees Win"
Sterling). Jim Katt's knowledge is incredible.
- Bob Sheppard: Long time (I'm talking 50 years) Yankee Public Address Announcer Bob Sheppard is
one of the most unmistakable voices in baseball history, not unlike former Sox PA Announcer Sherm
Feller. Sheppard's voice takes me back to my first days following baseball and the Yankee-Red Sox
rivalry.